The day back to work after the holiday is hardly the best one of the year. I woke up with a vague sense of depression. I was in a daze. I had only been away a week, but I didn’t know how I was ever going to work again. Could I still do it?
Then there was the anxiety. I had landed safely but my suitcase hadn’t. Where was it? Where do lost suitcases go? The women at lost and found knew as much about it as I did. The case was in the stratosphere, a blank space, off the map. I wanted the baggage handlers to be checking under each conveyor belt, desperately searching, as I would have been. They were being so passive about it. It was frustrating.
I didn’t want to wait. I wanted to know now! I know I’ve written about waiting patiently but…
I thought about Posh and Becks and how their suitcases had been stolen off the conveyor belt once…
I remembered a story about a couple who steal their own suitcase every year and then claim it on insurance to pay for their next trip…but that would mean I’d stolen my own suitcase…had I?
I pictured my suitcase in a hot and sweaty airport in rural Guatemala… bagagetagless!
I saw it languishing at JFK airport in some dark corner, unnoticed, forgotten, forlorn.
I willed myself to remember all that was in the case and focus on what I’d miss the most.
Then there were the usual suspects lined up, the stages I go through, when dealing with life…
1. Calm acceptance
2. Pressure on my brain
5. Trying to change the situation
And this is all well and good to go through but I knew better than to dwell in my dark mood forever.
We have a choice over how we feel.
When we are down, we have the tendency to drag the table-cloth and all the cutlery and crockery down with us. It’s okay to feel bad for a while and just lay there in the smashed plates, but at sometime we have to get back up and clean that shit.
So much depends on our outlook. Like sometimes in New York I found the subway to be a stinky degenerating place and other times it was a kind of okay convenient means of transport with some pretty chatty New Yorkers making my day. I’m sure you have your own subway experience on a regular basis. Like, everyday even. Am I wrong?
But I didn’t want to remain on the urine soaked platform forever, so what did I do?
I did all the things that make me feel good and some that felt uncomfortable too at first.
I went through my very favourite morning routine of writing it out, drinking my tea and being in my space.
I had a smoothie of high-vibrational plant foods.
I listened to Gina DeVee’s radio show on the bus to work. It’s impossible to be uninspired by her.
I noticed the green green new leaves and the pink blossom tree in full bloom and the beauty of dewy morning spring.
I actually shared with some friends at work about the lost suitcase and this was the part that was uncomfortable because I felt I was supposed to talk about how amazing my holiday was. But this part was the most rewarding as one friend shared her tale of a lost suitcase that had gone AWOL for weeks before being returned. It felt comforting to share.
I enjoyed a coffee after lunch and truly took a break.
M and I joked about how they might have confiscated my bag for closer inspection due to the half kilo box of baking soda I was carrying and what kind of person I was to be doing such things anyway.
I found out I was entitled to a hundred bucks from the airline and then went out after work and spent it on really nice stuff that would make me feel good (and to stop any more students asking if I was sick because I wasn’t wearing make-up).
I came home and noted down the moments I had appreciated during the day and felt good. This is a time for presence and gratitude. I enjoyed this very much.
Slowly slowly, chipping away at the bad mood. The negative thoughts and drama would still enter my mind like a flash of lightning, cracking open the clarity to reveal a stormy sky behind. But then I would catch it and replace the thought with one positive, hopeful one. I eased up and started to accept and let go.
This is how I got high.
And I’m telling you this because it’s fine to be in a bad mood and to go through all emotions, but to manifest positive things we have to be magnets of high frequency. You may have bigger things going on in your life than a missing bag, but it’s all relative anyway. Sometimes even when all is right we find ourselves down.
But each of us can find out what things get us high and do them regularly – especially when we don’t want to and convince ourselves it won’t work. It’s important to have gratitude, especially in the most trying times. It’s important to have faith, even when there’s “no new information”.
We must also remember that we can’t see the bigger picture. Perhaps something great is about to happen. I’m telling you this because this is what I find hard to remember always.
And just like that, when I had just started to write this blog and was no longer thinking about the bag, the call came.
And then I jumped around the living room.
It’s important to celebrate too.